What do you think? I don't think so. I think so. I don't know what to think. I'll think about it. Let me think on it. I'll be thinking about you.
I don't think I think much. I mean, of course I think, but I don't consider, I don't meditate on things, or cogitate. I often move about my life like a hamster on a wheel, as if my life has no meaning; as if there is no purpose for which I am here. But that is not the case. I was created and placed here for a reason. As the Westminster Catechism states, the chief end (or purpose) of man is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever. Am I doing that? What am I doing?
What about secondary purposes? Much of my life has been focused on being a wife and a mother and for that I am truly thankful. Now my children are grown and I'm not sure what my next purpose will be. I find it hard to make plans, to think about my future, to consciously decide things, because I don't think. I don't take the time to slow down, sit quietly and ponder serious topics.
When I am at work, I am busy, and there is no time to think about anything other than work. During my off time, however, I need to develop a quiet mind. It seems that mine is constantly racing and jumping from thought to thought and when things are still around me I begin to get anxious and look for ways to occupy my mind. I seek out my husband or one of my kids, or call someone on the phone. I turn on the TV, listen to a podcast or music, or pick up a book. Anything to fill the silence. I am not good at being quiet.
So, today I decided to attempt to sit for a few minutes in silence. I found an isolated place in my home, sat down and tried to think. Here are the deep thoughts that were going through my mind.... That clock sounds so loud. Is that a toilet I hear flushing in the house somewhere, or did someone leave the faucet running? That car door sounds close by, I wonder if one of my sons is home. And then the inevitable nodding off. It doesn't seem to matter what time of day it is, if I sit still, I will sleep.
I think that is one of the reasons I like writing. Writing forces me to focus; to consider what I am going to write. When I write there is no way my typing can keep up with how fast my mind goes, so my mind is obligated to slow down and wait for my hands to catch up. Seeing my words on the page helps me too, as does reading, organizing and editing my compositions. That's why I'm posting a blog again today, and hopefully will post more in the upcoming days as well.
I intend to start blocking off 10 minutes per day of quiet reflection time. I'm going to schedule it, to make sure it happens. I will make sure I am far from any technology, somewhere that I won't be disturbed and just be still. Hopefully with some practice I'll get better at it and I won't fall asleep. Between the 10 minute reflection time and my writing time, I hope to become a more competent thinker. It's worth putting a little effort into, don't you think?